Notes for Men Trying to Do Better
There’s a lot of pressure on men to be tough, to push through whatever they’re dealing with, and to stay quiet about it. That mindset might sound strong, but it isn’t realistic, sustainable, or healthy.
Yes, you can push through adversity. You often have to. But everyone needs help sometimes. Everyone needs to talk. And pretending otherwise doesn’t make you stronger — it just makes you more isolated.
What matters even more is what we’re showing our sons and daughters. We need to teach them that you can be strong and still ask for help. That talking things out is normal. That getting support isn’t weakness.
That doesn’t mean dumping adult problems on your kids or asking them to fix things for you. It can be as simple as letting them know you’re talking to someone, or that you asked for help when you needed it. It means asking them if they’re okay, if they need help, if they need to talk — and making it clear that it’s safe to do so.
If we want to break the cycle, it starts with us.
Mental health is no joke. It should be taken just as seriously as a heart attack. We have no problem showing our kids that going to the gym and working on your body is important — so why don’t we show them that working on your mental health matters too?
Sometimes that means putting yourself first. Sometimes it means doing what you want. Resting. Enjoying yourself. Taking care of your needs.
Yes, we love our kids. Yes, we love our partners. But if you never take time for yourself, burnout is inevitable.
And burnout doesn’t always look like quitting or giving up. More often, it looks like being short-tempered, blowing up over small things, feeling numb or depressed, or just going through the motions.
All of that can come from constantly putting yourself last because you think you’re too strong to need help, too tough to talk to someone, or selfish for buying yourself something, taking a day off, or even choosing the movie you want to watch. Small things like that add up over time.
Two of the worst consequences of ignoring your own needs are checking out and resentment.
You start checking out mentally. You’re still there, but you’re not present. You become a shell of yourself. And eventually, resentment creeps in — toward the people you love most. That resentment turns into anger, distance, and confusion.
If you have kids, they don’t understand why you’re upset. They just feel it. And without realizing it, the cycle continues.
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish — it’s responsible.
It’s how you stay present. It’s how you stay patient. It’s how you keep showing up when life gets heavy.
If you want to be a man your family can rely on, start by being someone you don’t abandon. Ask for help when you need it. Take time for yourself without guilt. Do the things that keep you grounded and whole.
Breaking the cycle doesn’t require grand gestures.
It starts with small, intentional choices — made consistently — by men who are trying to do better.
